FAILED.
jittery. nervous. unsettled. my nerves just got the better of me.
my lesson just before the test went smoothly. yet i mounted kerb, almost killed a motorcylist from oncoming traffic, slid down the slope a little, supposedly didn't look at my rear windscreen when parking (which i did) and dragged the gears too long, too slow in changing during the test. ass! when i mounted kerb in the circuit, it was OVER! what use was there to continue driving? so with nothing to lose, i was more relaxed and drove with little mistakes. But what use was there??? i've failed! Immediate failure! but huo bu dan xing. so i had to have 2 immediate failures!
it seems so normal for people to say, it's just a driving test. so many people have failed it. so why get so upset over it? ya sure... but it's just that i've never failed in any major exam or test in my life! small tests sure... but not any important ones. it's just so upsetting! it's not that i dunno how to drive. it's not that i've not prepared for it. in fact, so much money and time has been put into it. yet unsettled nerves just destroyed everything. pissed off and disappointed!
so sad me decided to go to west mall to find some solace and happiness. tried food therapy. ate ice cream. and other junk. didn't care about the money. now i know why depressed people sometimes stuff themselves with food. chocolate releases endorphins which make u a lil happy. warm food gives you the physical warmth when there is no human warmth (hug) needed to feel better. the food helped temporarily and my stomach was stuffed. couldn't find anyone to talk to. so decided to watch movie by myself. only one of 2 times that i've done so. CLOSER. thought it was a comedy. but no, it was some complicated screwed up love relationship among 4 individuals. so troubling. well at least there were good looking people in jude law and nathalie portman. portman is really hot! but quite indecent in the show cos she was a stripper. ya anyway although it was a disturbing show, i felt somewhat better. i now know i'm not the only one who watches movie by myself. there were a few other loners too! hahaha...
after that, went to chinatown to relive some nice memories. stuffed myself with food at food street. food therapy! stumbled into a cool looking shophouse bar called backstage bar which turned out to be the only gay bar in the area. the owner even asked if i was gay! shit man.... now i know a rainbow coloured flag is the symbol for gay. then went to the cheap cd shops at chinatown. bought stef sun and david tao cds for 12 bucks only! retail therapy! next went to the austrian sausage shop to get cheese knaukers from the cool angmoh owner who speaks singlish. exchanged banter with him enough to make me smile.
ended the depressing day with a kind heart. saw a lady having difficulty carrying a haversack and a baggage at buona vista. people with such baggages tend to be foreigners who stay on nus campus, so i offered to carry the baggage. turned out to be really heavy!!! she's a 3rd year arts student who just came back from an education conference in UAE and she had her diving gear which explained the damn heavy bag! been to an overseas conference myself so can relate to her exciting and fun experience. i don't mind going for another of such conferences, meeting international youths and exchanging views and having fun! and from how she described UAE, i don't mind considering it a holiday destination.
wow... what a day. feel much better now. after tonight, sleep therapy will round up and should cure me of my disappointment.
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
Sunday, February 20, 2005
just came back from ucc ushering. not bad a play by temasek hall. funny and intriguing. can't believe the 2 better hall plays i've watched are free while the only other paid one was a disaster. well... benefits of ushering at ucc. besides watching the play, i got to know a few of my fellow ushers better. real jokers! oh and one of them, an rj senior doing lit reminds me of jiayan! hahaha... it's because of them that my yet another unproductive day didn't end on a sad note.
actually, my wasting of time is pissing me off real bad. i'm either sleeping or wasting time doing stupid stuff which can be done some other time. maybe it includes blogging too. sigh... but my day didn't start on a bad note. in fact, it started wonderfully and i thought it'd be a great day. i was wrong.
thanks to cow's mum for getting me a english-chinese bible. was chatting to cow's dad when i received the gift. i was pleasantly surprised! your folks are really nice chaps afterall. suddenly i feel so loved in church. ok i shld consider treating cow a lil nicer since your folks are so nice. hahaha...
now to end the day on a good note... please let me stay up til late to study! i must be able to answer all of fatty ng's questions tmr!
actually, my wasting of time is pissing me off real bad. i'm either sleeping or wasting time doing stupid stuff which can be done some other time. maybe it includes blogging too. sigh... but my day didn't start on a bad note. in fact, it started wonderfully and i thought it'd be a great day. i was wrong.
thanks to cow's mum for getting me a english-chinese bible. was chatting to cow's dad when i received the gift. i was pleasantly surprised! your folks are really nice chaps afterall. suddenly i feel so loved in church. ok i shld consider treating cow a lil nicer since your folks are so nice. hahaha...
now to end the day on a good note... please let me stay up til late to study! i must be able to answer all of fatty ng's questions tmr!
Saturday, February 19, 2005
went for my 2nd mandarin youth fellowship. thank god for allowing me find a friend in the same church as i am. before that i was lonely and knew nobody, ok i knew my team mate but not very close to him so not much difference. ya the only prob is... cow is in mandarin service n i seldom speak and listen to mandarin. anyway.. i found that mandarin service is actually easier to understand cos the message conveyed is put in simpler n more layman terms. at the english service, most of the time i was trying hard to decipher the bombastic vocab and complicated sentence structures that i lost the gist of the msg.
ya anyway... today's topic was bgr. quite an apt topic for people our age. it's the age when either u're in it and have some problems or when u don't have it and it's a problem. the speaker was very cute and animated esp when he gave examples and analogies. he gave his views on which age is best to have a relationship, why to have one, who shld have one and how to get one. most of his views are quite conservative which is not a bad thing in this too liberal society of ours where sex seems to be everywhere.
things i learnt:
only ppl who has strong spiritual foundation shld have a relaionship. that's when you're mature enough.
only find a like minded christian as your partner.
don't date too long lest physical temptations creep on you before marriage.
a few analogies which i like.
how after marriage, the simplest thing can cause heated arguments. for example, the husband likes to squeeze the toothpaste from the bottom while the wife likes to squeeze it from the top. so it needs understanding and hu xiang li rang to maintain a relationship.
why should your partner be a like minded christian? so that your core values of your lives are the same and it'll be easier to walk together in life. also if your partner is a non believer, he's like a person sitting down and you standing up. is it easier for the person to pull you down or you pull him up?
i guess i'm still weak spiritually. i need to pursue more enthusiastically. i've not read the entire bible before so i need to start to be more consistent. i need to pray everyday. hopefully, as i do i'll be mature enough to have a relationship.
pray hard cow... i'll pray for you too.
hawaii: found it! Acts 16:14
ya anyway... today's topic was bgr. quite an apt topic for people our age. it's the age when either u're in it and have some problems or when u don't have it and it's a problem. the speaker was very cute and animated esp when he gave examples and analogies. he gave his views on which age is best to have a relationship, why to have one, who shld have one and how to get one. most of his views are quite conservative which is not a bad thing in this too liberal society of ours where sex seems to be everywhere.
things i learnt:
only ppl who has strong spiritual foundation shld have a relaionship. that's when you're mature enough.
only find a like minded christian as your partner.
don't date too long lest physical temptations creep on you before marriage.
a few analogies which i like.
how after marriage, the simplest thing can cause heated arguments. for example, the husband likes to squeeze the toothpaste from the bottom while the wife likes to squeeze it from the top. so it needs understanding and hu xiang li rang to maintain a relationship.
why should your partner be a like minded christian? so that your core values of your lives are the same and it'll be easier to walk together in life. also if your partner is a non believer, he's like a person sitting down and you standing up. is it easier for the person to pull you down or you pull him up?
i guess i'm still weak spiritually. i need to pursue more enthusiastically. i've not read the entire bible before so i need to start to be more consistent. i need to pray everyday. hopefully, as i do i'll be mature enough to have a relationship.
pray hard cow... i'll pray for you too.
hawaii: found it! Acts 16:14
Thursday, February 17, 2005
i finally succeeded as an alarm clock! i just couldn't fail on the 3rd time.
having pbls at alexandra hospital is pissing my group off. first of all, me, the grp leader has to liase with the AH secretary so as schedule new timings cos the doctors are not free and keep changing the time. having gone so much trouble in doing so, my grp members happily decide not to attend cos they think it's at a timing too inconvenient for them. how selfish of them esp one person! and today, they decide to do a mass ponning cos there wasn't lecture today and all the more reason to stay home. can't believe this! out of 12, only 7 turned up! and to reiterate the saying hao ren mei hao bao, the doctor goes on leave and we made a wasted trip to AH! it's perfectly fine for the doctor to go leave, but confirming with us and making us go down there and saying that he's not around is absolutely absurd! sabrinah, the secretary, is so inefficient! how could she not have known this?!!! instead of apologising to us or even feel a tinge of guilt, she goes ahead and scolds us (the guai ones who bother to go down) for the poor attendance. she even gives her own views on how medical students shld do consistent work and not wait til last min to mug for exams, so no excuse for not having pbl near the ca!. what a prick! as huren said, she's sabrinah the elderly witch! now, i have to schedule a new time for the next pbl session. if the other grps can condense 2 pbl sessions into 1, i don't see how we can't do the same. the AH STAFF are so inflexible and inconsiderate, unlike NUS staff. argh!!!!
can't wait for tmr!
having pbls at alexandra hospital is pissing my group off. first of all, me, the grp leader has to liase with the AH secretary so as schedule new timings cos the doctors are not free and keep changing the time. having gone so much trouble in doing so, my grp members happily decide not to attend cos they think it's at a timing too inconvenient for them. how selfish of them esp one person! and today, they decide to do a mass ponning cos there wasn't lecture today and all the more reason to stay home. can't believe this! out of 12, only 7 turned up! and to reiterate the saying hao ren mei hao bao, the doctor goes on leave and we made a wasted trip to AH! it's perfectly fine for the doctor to go leave, but confirming with us and making us go down there and saying that he's not around is absolutely absurd! sabrinah, the secretary, is so inefficient! how could she not have known this?!!! instead of apologising to us or even feel a tinge of guilt, she goes ahead and scolds us (the guai ones who bother to go down) for the poor attendance. she even gives her own views on how medical students shld do consistent work and not wait til last min to mug for exams, so no excuse for not having pbl near the ca!. what a prick! as huren said, she's sabrinah the elderly witch! now, i have to schedule a new time for the next pbl session. if the other grps can condense 2 pbl sessions into 1, i don't see how we can't do the same. the AH STAFF are so inflexible and inconsiderate, unlike NUS staff. argh!!!!
can't wait for tmr!
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
troubling troubling troubling troubling.
slept at 3plus 4 but dont really feel that sleepy today.
felt really embarassed that i dunno my work in tut. external carotid supplies to the brain was what i said. can't believe i even said that. sigh... it calls for mugging! time to reduce whatever damage i can. 2 n a half weeks to ca and i haven't started studying. oh man... must turn on mugger mode.
things couldn't get any better. while i was still feeling terribly troubled, i had to bump my head on the roof as i alighted the bus. *plonk* i was so embarassed i just walked on pretending nothing happened.
then i did a few more daredevil stunts while driving again. still stalled the car a few times. swerved away from pedestrian and crazy vehicle. mounted kerb. knocking down pole while vertical parking. i would have failed a few times over. sigh...
so moody me always tries to put up a happy face. the best way to be happy is to help others be happy. smiling surely brightens up your friends' day.
things are getting better i think. thank you Lord. now i don't hide what i feel, i'll just say it. and hopefully through your graciousness, the problem will be solved in no time!
off to the study room!
slept at 3plus 4 but dont really feel that sleepy today.
felt really embarassed that i dunno my work in tut. external carotid supplies to the brain was what i said. can't believe i even said that. sigh... it calls for mugging! time to reduce whatever damage i can. 2 n a half weeks to ca and i haven't started studying. oh man... must turn on mugger mode.
things couldn't get any better. while i was still feeling terribly troubled, i had to bump my head on the roof as i alighted the bus. *plonk* i was so embarassed i just walked on pretending nothing happened.
then i did a few more daredevil stunts while driving again. still stalled the car a few times. swerved away from pedestrian and crazy vehicle. mounted kerb. knocking down pole while vertical parking. i would have failed a few times over. sigh...
so moody me always tries to put up a happy face. the best way to be happy is to help others be happy. smiling surely brightens up your friends' day.
things are getting better i think. thank you Lord. now i don't hide what i feel, i'll just say it. and hopefully through your graciousness, the problem will be solved in no time!
off to the study room!
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
had a really fun v-day!!!
was restless the entire day during lessons in school. supposed to study in library then go for the swinging singles' party at jianhong's house.
ended up going to orchard with ah ngoh. the fun started when we got a lift from violet. thanks violet! her aunty's van is really cool! jasper n i sat at the back where there were so many cushions and soft toys enough to make the back of the van so comfortable. i wouldn't mind getting such a comfortable van in place of any high class automobile. the only prob was i got a little woozy and motion sick from all the turning and bumping as violet got lost getting to orchard! someone get her a gprs for her birthday!
anyway, great retail therapy for lonely boys without dates on v-day! was supposed to just accompany him to shop for shoes, but we ended up buying 3 shirts each! went to john little to find the pink valentino shirt yau hong was wearing today. saw that the shirts were so cheap that we spent hours trying on every shirt we saw. in the end, i settled on a green valentino and green stripey shirt while jas chose a blue valentino and a green tee. hahaha.. then we went on lamenting about us not having dates and that love was all around us. couples, roses and hearts were the theme for the day. they were infesting orchard!!! someone shld ban all of them from orchard.
being sour grapes and envious, we had to resort to flirting with 2 girls at heeren and got our complimentary heart-shaped red n pink balloons. who says 2 guys couldn't walk around with pink n red heart balloons hovering over our heads? hahaha... think everyone thought we were gay! then it was at heeren where we continued our shopping. bodyknits was on sale! n everything was pasar malam cheap. 50 n 70 % off selected items. so a t-shirt cost like less than 15 bucks. where could u find such prices? so we entered the fitting room 5 times, trying on almost every nice shirt! s, m, l, xl. red, blue, brown, black. we tried everything! the poor salesgirl must be wondering why she had to fold endless number of shirts on v-day. hahaha...
after that, rushed down to the airport to send gen off to her vet studies in australia. gave her a red heart balloon, took photos and charmed lil eurasian kids with my heart shaped balloons. so i ended up going home with no heart balloons... sigh.. anyway, at least i made a few children happy!
the highlight for the day was celebrating toh han's birthday in conjunction with the singles' party. taped her mouth up with duct tape to enjoy a wonderful period of silence, then blindfolded her as we led her to her birthday surprise. happy birthday toh han! n splash, she fell into the swimming pool. we couldn't let her off so easily right? so han boon smashed cake into her face! hahaha... well the suffering was all for a good cause as she was touched by the dkny watch that we got her! it must have been a memorable burfday for u toe!
was restless the entire day during lessons in school. supposed to study in library then go for the swinging singles' party at jianhong's house.
ended up going to orchard with ah ngoh. the fun started when we got a lift from violet. thanks violet! her aunty's van is really cool! jasper n i sat at the back where there were so many cushions and soft toys enough to make the back of the van so comfortable. i wouldn't mind getting such a comfortable van in place of any high class automobile. the only prob was i got a little woozy and motion sick from all the turning and bumping as violet got lost getting to orchard! someone get her a gprs for her birthday!
anyway, great retail therapy for lonely boys without dates on v-day! was supposed to just accompany him to shop for shoes, but we ended up buying 3 shirts each! went to john little to find the pink valentino shirt yau hong was wearing today. saw that the shirts were so cheap that we spent hours trying on every shirt we saw. in the end, i settled on a green valentino and green stripey shirt while jas chose a blue valentino and a green tee. hahaha.. then we went on lamenting about us not having dates and that love was all around us. couples, roses and hearts were the theme for the day. they were infesting orchard!!! someone shld ban all of them from orchard.
being sour grapes and envious, we had to resort to flirting with 2 girls at heeren and got our complimentary heart-shaped red n pink balloons. who says 2 guys couldn't walk around with pink n red heart balloons hovering over our heads? hahaha... think everyone thought we were gay! then it was at heeren where we continued our shopping. bodyknits was on sale! n everything was pasar malam cheap. 50 n 70 % off selected items. so a t-shirt cost like less than 15 bucks. where could u find such prices? so we entered the fitting room 5 times, trying on almost every nice shirt! s, m, l, xl. red, blue, brown, black. we tried everything! the poor salesgirl must be wondering why she had to fold endless number of shirts on v-day. hahaha...
after that, rushed down to the airport to send gen off to her vet studies in australia. gave her a red heart balloon, took photos and charmed lil eurasian kids with my heart shaped balloons. so i ended up going home with no heart balloons... sigh.. anyway, at least i made a few children happy!
the highlight for the day was celebrating toh han's birthday in conjunction with the singles' party. taped her mouth up with duct tape to enjoy a wonderful period of silence, then blindfolded her as we led her to her birthday surprise. happy birthday toh han! n splash, she fell into the swimming pool. we couldn't let her off so easily right? so han boon smashed cake into her face! hahaha... well the suffering was all for a good cause as she was touched by the dkny watch that we got her! it must have been a memorable burfday for u toe!
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Monday, February 14, 2005
Thursday, February 10, 2005
fisherman's village
here's a nice photo of a warm cosy dinner by the sea. great ambience and sea breeze. had a good time there!
visiting day!! quite a fun day today. went to visit my granduncles, grandaunts and great grand mother! yes i still have a great grand mother, how cool is that? she's going to be 100 soon i think, lost track of her age but she's still quite healthy. sat with her while she talked to me about stuff. i'm glad i know a bit of hainanese and hokkien which helped me a great deal when my relatives speak. ya she complained about my mum not bringing her along when she went to china, complained that she's so old and there is no meaning to live and that the maid refuses to let her drink her xo to improve her blood circulation for fear that she'll get drunk. hahaha... well i actually saw her tipsy side once when she stayed at my place. poured a lil too much alcohol and she started walking sideways!!! hahaha what a sight! oh man... sorry great grand ma, quite rude to laugh at you. anyway... have a great new year! hope you'll visit my house again.
actually heard the entire story of my family's close shave in phuket today. when i first returned and my mum told me the stories, i was quite indifferent. i was more interested in telling my side of the story in cambodia and all the fun i've had. it was only today, when she raconted the entire story to my uncle and aunt that i'm truly thankful to God that they escaped from the gallows of the tidal wave.
thank Lord for letting them stay at the diver's resort at Chalong bay, south east of Phuket and away from the full force of the tsunami. thank God for letting my bros and aunt be far out at sea on their way to snorkelling, where the wave was still small and not yet devastating. thank God for allowing my cousin and uncle to hide behind a rock when they went diving under the sea, and when the current washed them to the surface, they were safe from harm. thank God for keeping my entire family from harm during their stay at Phuket. you're the best!!
actually heard the entire story of my family's close shave in phuket today. when i first returned and my mum told me the stories, i was quite indifferent. i was more interested in telling my side of the story in cambodia and all the fun i've had. it was only today, when she raconted the entire story to my uncle and aunt that i'm truly thankful to God that they escaped from the gallows of the tidal wave.
thank Lord for letting them stay at the diver's resort at Chalong bay, south east of Phuket and away from the full force of the tsunami. thank God for letting my bros and aunt be far out at sea on their way to snorkelling, where the wave was still small and not yet devastating. thank God for allowing my cousin and uncle to hide behind a rock when they went diving under the sea, and when the current washed them to the surface, they were safe from harm. thank God for keeping my entire family from harm during their stay at Phuket. you're the best!!
Happy New Year!
had the time of my life! woke up at eleven. visited my grandma's house downstairs. received my ang pows. then stoned and slept the entire afternoon away.
i think i can relate to children cos i think like them. i love to act like them and laugh like them. their innocence and pure hearts make them so adorable. my mum just told me that i can interact quite well with children.
in retrospect, i think i do. back in cambodia, i enjoyed playing with the children. being their swing or piggy backer. i'm not inhibited by how childish i look. i just act like them, play like them and have fun like them. seeing them give truly happy smiles is what makes it so enjoyable.
today, at my dad' boss' open house dinner. with the entire place swarming with adults, whom i don't really know what to say to, i felt uneasy n self conscious. to attempt to be sociable, i decided to pick up the nearest girl i saw. a cute girl dressed in pink. hahaha.. this 5 yr old is really intelligent and is not afraid of strangers. she readily opened up after my initial introductory questions. so rachel and i started discussing about ants on the tree, beautiful flowers in the garden, her shaven golden retriever lola, her birthday and the humming bird she saw. my size didn't scare her at all. n i'm glad it didn't. thank you rachel for the company in the uncomfortable setting!
i love children!!!!
had the time of my life! woke up at eleven. visited my grandma's house downstairs. received my ang pows. then stoned and slept the entire afternoon away.
i think i can relate to children cos i think like them. i love to act like them and laugh like them. their innocence and pure hearts make them so adorable. my mum just told me that i can interact quite well with children.
in retrospect, i think i do. back in cambodia, i enjoyed playing with the children. being their swing or piggy backer. i'm not inhibited by how childish i look. i just act like them, play like them and have fun like them. seeing them give truly happy smiles is what makes it so enjoyable.
today, at my dad' boss' open house dinner. with the entire place swarming with adults, whom i don't really know what to say to, i felt uneasy n self conscious. to attempt to be sociable, i decided to pick up the nearest girl i saw. a cute girl dressed in pink. hahaha.. this 5 yr old is really intelligent and is not afraid of strangers. she readily opened up after my initial introductory questions. so rachel and i started discussing about ants on the tree, beautiful flowers in the garden, her shaven golden retriever lola, her birthday and the humming bird she saw. my size didn't scare her at all. n i'm glad it didn't. thank you rachel for the company in the uncomfortable setting!
i love children!!!!
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